Monday, July 4, 2011

Life is Pain

I don' t know what happened to me lately, but it seems like all the illnesses in the world have found me. Eczema, allergies, all kind of pains, you name them, I have them... At the moment I have a very sore throat and I feel tired no matter how much time I sleep. I went to doctors, went for ultrasounds, blood work...the whole nine yards...Physically, they say I am OK. So why do I feel like this almost all the time? It can't be that all these symptoms are psycosomatic...my throat, for example...
Like the stanzas of a very soppy song, I repeat like a mantra that life is pain...no matter how hard I try, I am not able to get rid of the feeling of doom that follows me everywhere...It is summer, for God's sake, I am supposed to have fun with my daughter, not lie in bed, zero energy and naught motivation..
So I will try harder...I am so angry with myself that instead of living I am stuck somewhere in some kind of limbo, waiting for...waiting for what, exactly? Nobody is going to come to my rescue, not really...so I'll go and dig my Louise Hay book, I know I have it somewhere..."You can heal your life" it's called. Why not?
And I promise more optimistic posts in the future...

2 comments:

HelenClyde said...

I´d just like to give you a hug through the internet. I can´t offer any advice, though I wish I could. Maybe... try to search for the good things, for the little things that make you smile - but I bet you´re doning that allready?

Alone in Holy Land said...

Hele,
thank you for you virtual hug! Much appreciated.